Jump to content
Search In
  • More options...
Find results that contain...
Find results in...
  • 0
Ben

What is the Best Warhammer Joke?

Question

Lay them on me.  

Your best warhammer jokes.  

Feel free to up and Down vote.  

The highest upvoted in 1 weeks time will get a custom title like my Supreme Hellsmith one. (This has never been done before on  TGA!!)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Recommended Posts

  • 8

A skeleton walks into a bar.. It orders a beer and a mop..

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 7

Two Enemy Wargroves want peace with each other. how do they agree on terms?

 

Spoiler

Through a Treety

 

  • Like 2
  • Haha 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 7

What does the tzeenthian manager do when no patrons are being seated?

 

Change hosts.

  • Haha 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 5

Everyone hates necromancers, but they are just trying to raise a family.

One necromancer in particular was overly invested in Bitcoin, it was a Cryptocurrency. This necromancer cared nothing for those around him, or even his meagre wound count, his only concern was curing his terrible breath. You see he was a super callous fragile mystic vexed by halitosis.

 

  • Like 2
  • Thanks 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 5

Nagash: Lady Olynder, why did you miss the mortarch social last night?

Olynder: I had no-body to go with...

 

  • LOVE IT! 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 4
Posted (edited)

A Stormcast, A Chaos Warrior and a Namarti Thrall walk into a bar

and the Skink walks underneath it.

Edited by King Taloren
  • Haha 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 3

Ghorgon walks into a bar.

"I'd like to order a....

 

...pint of beer."

Barman says: "Why the big pause?"

 

hehe

  • Haha 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 3

King: I just had Hammerhal's ambassador for dinner.

Courtier: Oh how was he?

King: Delicious...

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 2
27 minutes ago, The Jabber Tzeentch said:

Why did Sigmar cross the road?

To open another Stormvault

To open Another stormhost you mean ;) 

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 2

A Khorne Berzerker, a Ironjaw Brute, and a Stormcast Liberator are walking through Shyish after a long battle.

They spot a few skeletons and the Brute says to the other two, "Watch this!" He runs into headlong toward them, yelling "WAAAAGH!" and takes both of them out with a few swings of his axe. Both the Berzerker and the Liberator look at one another, perplexed at what they just saw. The Liberator asks, "What was that all about?"

"The fight is good and the skeletons are cheap", says the Brute. The Liberator looks at the Berzerker, they nod their head in agreement, and the party continues onward.

They spot a few more skeletons and the Liberator says to the other two, "Watch me". He runs into headlong toward them, yelling "For Sigmar!" and takes both of them out with a few swings of his hammer. Both the Berzerker and the Brute look at one another, perplexed at what they just saw. The Berzerker asks, "What was that all about?"

"As was said, the fight is good and the skeletons are cheap", says the Liberator. The Berzerker looks at the Brute, they nod their head in agreement, and the party continues onward.

They spot a single skeleton running toward them and the Berzerker says to the other two "Watch me". He lets the skeleton close on the group, takes it's head off with one swing and buries the axe in the Liberator. The Brute, not believing what his eyes just witnessed, looks at the Berzerker and asks "What in Gorkamorka's name was that about?"

The Berzerker responds, "Blood for the Blood God, Skulls for the Skull Throne."

  • Haha 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 1

What happens when you combine a dragon that does d6-6 damage per attack with ogors that do 2-3damage per attack?

Dragon ogors that do 1damage each!!😂

 

(ps: that joke was taken from rerolling ones, so credit goes to them)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 0
12 hours ago, michu said:

I would upvote it... but I don't understand the joke. Could you explain? 

A ghorgon has big paws 🐾 

 

Yep, totally worth the wait.

  • Thanks 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 0

What does a megaboss on mawkrusha say after a nasty mirror match?

Et tu brutes?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 0

How do Orks call a wooden stick??

 

Dakka, dakka!

 

(not sure if this one counts since it is technically from the 40k setting)

 

 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 0

A Sigmarite walks into a Sylvaneth non-metal bar.  The treelord bartender says “AU, get out of here.”

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 0

After a long battle between two warbands of Slaaneshi cultists and tribal Ogors, the victorious cultists take a prisoner for their twisted amusement.

The head torturer decides to attempt to flay the Ogor's formidable skin so that he might taste of the great beast's torment. But to his increasing irritation he finds that no matter how deep his knife digs into the Ogor's flesh, more is displayed beneath.

"How is it that this ogor has so much flesh beneath what my knife can pierce?!" The torturer squeals in rage.

In answer, the ogor smiles a bloodied, toothless grin: 

"Ogors have layers."

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 0

What is the difference between a soul grinder and an Alegyzzler  gargant?

One has hydraulics the other has high-bollocks...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Answer this question...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


×
×
  • Create New...