Big Kim Woof-Woof

A short (-ish) treatise on my love affair with Slaanesh... Ancient History: Very early on, back in the early 90s, I somehow came into possession of a deck of Warhammer Combat Cards. Amongst them was a card of a Champion of Slaanesh. It was the bald one with the snake body. I loved that model, and, eventually, it turned out to be the first metal model I ever bought. It cost me $7.95 (Aussie dollars). I was still a kid, and couldn't really afford much, certainly nowhere near enough to start an army! But my small collection of models was predominantly Slaaneshi. I was mocked by my friends for painting my HeroQuest Chaos Warriors in purples and pinks! When I grew up a little, my first army was a Chaos one dedicated solely to Slaanesh. I sold off my original collection around Warhammer's Seventh Edition. But when Age of Sigmar came along, I re-immersed myself in the hobby, and started accumulating a new horde of perverted souls. I'm A Sybarite At Heart: If I were magically somehow transported to the Warhammer Realms, I'm pretty sure I'd be a Slaanesh devotee. I'm a prancing, vain, self-aggrandising, arrogant clown! Sound about right? And I've got a deeply obsessive personality. I do so many things to excess. I mean, my current Hedonites collection stands at over 10,000 points worth (not all painted yet, mind). Without getting too personal, I've had a history with addictive... things. I'm a good boy now, but I kind of live vicariously through my Slaanesh worshippers! They are what I wish I could be: a glorious, beautiful creature, exquisitely dressed and adorned with shiny things, indulging every whim to excess! Colours Of The Wyrd: A simple one, this. I love painting purples and golds! Can't imagine that this penchant of mine would suit, say, Orruks. Such Gorgeous Trinkets: Slaanesh miniatures are the greatest. I love every model in the current range. Even the Daemonettes, which I prefer to the Juan Diaz ones which other people seem to prize (I found them impossible to paint!) I've generously peppered my current collection with 'classic' models which I've patiently hunted down via the internet. I've got that bald snake-bodied champion sitting waiting on my painting desk, ready to be painted again (can't remember if this'll be the third or fourth time I've painted that sculpt!) OK, there's been some duds over the years... I'm not going to try to defend the previous Keeper of Secrets sculpt, or Azazel. But as it currently stands... I honestly can't think of a faction of models that is as flawless as the Hedonites. I might be prejudiced, but there you go. Khorne Is A Benny: I've never liked Khorne. All that shouting, stomping, angry nonsense. Did his mummy not love him enough or something? Red's not the only colour, dear. What a twit.

I use Vallejo's matt varnish on everything I paint. One coat for plastic or resin, two coats for metal. Seems to do the trick.

Even though my target was a modest six simple models, I'm unfortunately way behind schedule for this month. I need to knuckle down!

A question that always fascinates me.... why did you choose your army (or armies)? In the flesh, I often ask my fellow generals this, and often the answers are rather intriguing. Was it the background? The models? The way they play? Because they're more likely win you a game? Or.... ? Please do indulge me.

If there was ever a song that nails a Nurgle/Slaanesh alliance, it's Toxic Love from the cartoon movie Ferngully (sung by Tim Curry).

Ah, that'd be why he's so familiar... I probably painted the freebie!

Why do I know the cloaked character in the Swordmasters so well? Was he from Mordheim?

Hearty agreement to that. Chamon has been the realm that has attracted me the most. Possibly just because I like painting gold! It'd be a good excuse for them to make the avarice-themed Slaanesh character that I've been craving, too.

This one goes out to all those Skaven warlords out there....

Drachenfels should turn up. Show all these young upstarts how a real Supreme Evil Dark Lord rocks it.

Another picture of my pride and joy, my Keeper. A much clearer picture. #NoFilter

Arbaal the Defeated? Pfft. He can keep his dog-riding backside back in the World-That-Was. I'm not biased or anything...

Looking fantastic. The colours emphasise the John Blanche-ness of the model... all that baroque insanity!

They could do a fantastic new model of her. She's another character who got a bit of a dud sculpt back in the day. I think she'll be best remembered for her shade of lilac.

They're a bunch of little smashers! Love the purple and green... always one of my favourite colour combinations.

I have but one glorious name for you... Azazel!! He'd be a seamless fit for A of S. He's an immortal daemon, so no need for a tricksy explanation for his presence. He's got personal history with Sigmar. And can you imagine the field day they'd have creating a gorgeous new model for him? One in the vein of the new Be'lakor. C'mon, he's owed it, considering his old model was pretty poor, even back when it was released. Or Dechala, I suppose.

The ultimate eating contest: Grom vs Glutos.

A 10 point drop for Dexcessa? Gee, that'll help. Still, the drops for the Masque and the Hellstriders with claws is welcome, and unexpected. And I was expecting Blissbarb Archers to get an increase. Glad to see that didn't happen.

Ossiarchs are being squatted.

I know that I have an array of gold paint standing ready for it to happen.

No hills? For f... I decorate the bases of my models with static grass I bought from a model railway shop. Does that mean I can't use those miniatures in my local GW shop? (I jest... but you never know where the slippery slope ends...)

Yes!! I'd play a lot more games if 1000 points was more viable.

I'm fond of the endless spells and faction terrain models (well, my lot's!) but they could be accused of being one of the contributors to cluttering up the game. If they're making efforts to streamline and simplify the game, they could bite the dust.

When painting, it's mainly it's Doctor Who audio plays. Yes, two different flavours of geekery at once! Sometimes, if I want to channel that blasphemous Slaaneshi vibe, I listen to a very obscure band called The Tiger Lillies (I don't advise that the under-18s or the easily offended go looking them up!)

Put like that, I actually quite like the concept. At least it gets things back to being reflected in basic stats rather than a plethora of special rules. Don't think it's at all likely to happen, though.