Meet the People!

Intro music

Applause

Presenter enters stage right

Good evening. I’m Gerry McGiver, your host, in this, the first of an exciting new series where we meet up with some of the more prominent people living in the lovely town of Hatton, we get to chat to one of the brave lads who's tireless efforts keep us all safe in our beds at night. He’s just 17 years of age, already a hero of the ranks, and a terribly nice chap to boot!, Ladies and Gentlemen, Billy Shaw!

Billy Shaw enters stage left

Applause

Good evening Billy, and thanks for joining us this evening!

You're welcome. It's great to be here.

Now, Billy, before we go any further, tell us exactly what you do.

Of course Gerry. I'm a halberdier currently under the command of Second Sergeant Bowers of the Hatton Town Guard.

Applause

Thank you. And I'm the youngest soldier in the, er, soldiery. 

Applause 

But, and I think I'm right in saying this Billy, you didn't always plan to be a soldier, did you?

No, that's right Gerry. Erm, initially I was to be apprenticed to the butchery of cows for the eating of. With a bit of monkey handling in my spare time.

So, er, what happened. In your own words.

Well, Gerry. As a youngsterling, I was one of the best practitioners in the art of “hiding”. During many games of ‘hide and go look’, I was able to secrete myself into places hitherto unknown by my seekers. I was quite well known for it. 

Go on.

Well, during one particular game, during the summer of ’56 –

That was a hot one!

Yes. Well during that summer –

10 years ago.

Yes, um, ten years ago, I was deep into the end game of a particularly tense game of ‘hide and go look’. My team were 4-1 down and I had to do something to pull things back.

Go on.

I spied a door. A door that was a jar. A door that I opened. A door to the –

Yes?

A door to the –

Yes?

Murmurs from the audience

To the

Go on

To the Armoury!

Audience ooohs

And then what happened?

Well Gerry. What happened next will live with me until my dying day. I saw it in the corner. A full body of armour. I put a leg in. I put another leg in. I put an arm in. I put another arm in. I was in.

In the armour?

Yes, in, as you say, the armour. Although much larger than myself, I was only seven, the suit felt tight around me, but my head was still exposed.

Er, what about your torso?

My torso? Oh, my body you mean? Oh, that got covered by the torso of the suit.

Thought so.

Anyway, my head was still exposed. And there were footsteps. In the dark.

Audience gasps

The door, which I'd closed after entering, began to open. I had to think quickly. The helmet! Of course! I grabbed it and covered my head. I was fully concealed, head to toe, including my torso.

Rapturous applause

Thank you.

Then what happened Billy. Take your time, son.

Well, we won. I scored a full ten points. We topped the league. But it would be the last game I would ever play. You see, I was trapped. Encased. Entrapped. Carapaced. I couldn't get out of the suit. This suit. The suit I am in now, and will be until the day I die.

Sobs from the audience. And a stifled giggle.

Wow. Just wow. Thank you Billy. Thank you for sharing that incredible story with us. 

And there you have it Ladies and Gentlemen! A story of the human spirit in all its dark and brooding beauty. A young boy, halted in his dream of becoming a butcherer of cows, doomed to meet his doom in a doom laden erm, er, death?

Applause 

So, until next time –

Er, can you help me up?

Until next –

Excuse me? I need help out of the chair.

Next ti- oh, sorry. There you go.

Rapturous applause

Thank you. So until next time, when we’ll be meeting the another superstar of the ranks, it's goodnight from me. Goodnight!

Applause. Cheering. Screams

Outro music 

Credits