Kaleb Daark

Chaos dwarf iron daemon magma vent hatches. Simples.

Is the octopus called teclis on account of his long face and wanting to have loads of fingers in everything?

What about the pantaloon of matalan? purveyor of cheap aquatic garments and other tat?

But apart from all that you’re ok with it yea? stormgitz innit.

Elf schmelf your soul comes from a chaos god’s bottom. your spiritual leige had to go up said bottom to retrieve the fodder to make you lot. call yoursaelves whaet you will (see what I did there) but the truth of the maetter is that you all come from a chaos god’s lower intestine. that makes you technically chaos sausages with pointy aers. minotaurs and ogors also report that as sausages you taste rubbish and only fit for rats. Although I’m sure @Skreech Verminking might have something to say about that, as your pointy ears are like fishbones, getting stuck in your throat trying to choke you. see, even in death and cooked you’re still trying to choke and kill your diner. aelfs… nothing but trouble. God sausage trouble at that.. god sausages I tell thee. chaos, dine in peace with no hint of a cheeky god’s crease.

Yup. never trust an elf. they nick your soul as theirs is stuck in a prisoner’s hole. elfs.. nothing but trouble.

By Hashut… keep your voice down.. you didn’t see us.. right?

Nonsense man. ask any beasts player and he will tell you its just like the lore.. put lots of beast down… they get slaughtered to a hoof. just like the lore.

You're dead to me. May your ears get frostbite from the loneliness that is up there. You realise the gravitational pull of the realms will make your face long and miserable, and when you do try to crack a smile you'll just look like a stretched bin liner. You use a lot of words, which is a lot of effort for no reason. All that can be said in one word and everyone will know what you mean... "Elf". *wanders off shaking head..

We can do better than that brother - AoS Brets are far too good for the CoS big troosers tights and feather in the cap crowd. No no.. we can do much better.. now where was that talking otter...

Dual system kit. Primaris Stormcast Lieutenatelexitor with gravis stormstrike lightning Thunderchunder axeswordfist.

Silent people are Chaos Dwarves. So called because you never hear us going on about it. Chaos Dwarves.. no whining. Quiet as you like. That's us. You aint seen us right?

Oh contrair my erstwhile brother in stature... That hat is far from silly. That hat is majestic, so much so that Nagash and Neferata were so bowled over by it they had to do their own take on it. You can store a lot of lunch in that hat, and being dwarven it's probably sturdy enough to allow the cooking of said lunch as well. Detachable spike so you can sit down on it. Swiss army hat is that. Yup. avery very sensible hat for sure and the talk of the realms as nagash and co will tell you, so impressed was he and Neferata they even did their own take on it, just less practical. Nagash himself and even the knife eared miserable trouser boy realised early on that you don't get anywhere in the realms without a big hat. I mean, note the attention to detail, where the adornments actually curve at the same angle as the lower fangs. See Dwarf detail for you that is. None of this floating rock / tree / waterfall garden feature silliness.

I beg your pardon? Big troosers and a massive feather sticking out of your hat and a garden shed on wheels with a big magnifying glass on the top getting carted around the battlefield - what sort of example is that to set to the beardlings? Oh well you could say that wearing a silly hat is the norm and even teclis has got the hump and decided that he's going to have a bigger stupid hat and even more voluminous troosers than the empire, you know, because elf. Knights? they're not knights - they want to be knights but like elves boring - unlike brets who've got tons of different types of packed lunch on top of their helmets, swans, boars, baguettes etc. So they couldn't beat the brets at that game so they got themselves some monstrous cavalry - what did the elfs do, go and magic up a kangapoodle or whatever it is. Steam tank? Steam tank... it's an upside down bath with an engine that a dwarf wouldn't touch with a bargepole. The only reason Tamurkhan attacked Nuln was because there was more BO than his lot and Nurgle wasn't pleased about that. Fe Fi Fo fum, I smell stinky empire bums and all that. But all of this can be forgiven were it not for the voluminous troosers... and the whinging about being attacked all the time - see, big troosers, feathery silly hats, stick on knife ears made out of turnips will be next. Humans wanting to elfs and just as miserable. Nope. Now chaos.. you don't see big troosers in their crowd - big shields, big axes, big skull collections, big shoulder pads but not big troosers. You don't catch dwarfs wearing big troosers oh no, I mean look at the skinnydip dwarfs and floaty dwarfs - not a voluminous trooser in sight. Skinny dip dwarf beards are so dense they can stop a sword blow - lets see a feather in yer hat do that. the vampires have gone off big troosers, well, apart from radukar, but you're hardly going to tell him he looks daft in a a pair of full fat teclis' are you. And when Ogors realised they had big troosers they just ate more so they because more trooserspectable. Empire landship - bathtub turned the right way up and all their spare troosers washed and drying in he breeze big enough to make a sail from -I mean it's doesn't even run on furnaces full of the slain or funny whizbang stone, how can you even show your face at the arcane engineering annual awards? I mean, how would you expect to climb onto your bale taurus with all that combustible material flying around eh? eh? It'll only be a matter of time between the alliance breaks down and they start fighting over linen and laundry. It'll make the war of the beard seem like a tea break I tell thee. Empire Troosers Elf troosers, When you wear big linen yer just a bunch of poosers. Join Chaos and be free of trouser related profanity. Where the only thing sticking out of your hat is a god blessed horn or the severed head of thine enemy.

So female skinnydip dwarves but in respectable and non controversial ur gold beard bikinis? Honestly I'd like to see the magma dragon for these guys as the big beastie thingamybob, and some mobile artillery mounts as has been mentioned, after all, cannons and static artillery are great, but in tight caverns riding your cannon is even greater. Obviously they're not allowed magma golems as that's stepping on to Kdaai territory.... actually let them have magma golems, that too would be brillballs - you could have a variant of the old burning bright rule where they do daft damage but actually burn themselves out over a number of rounds and then stay in place as static lava terrain pieces. Chaos Dwarves still get the kdaai and the destroyer obvs. Because better at burny stuff.

I couldn't agree more. They are lacking chaos. Chaos I say. Chaos dwarfs.

Oh man, how about a fully armoured ogre maneater? armour made of loads of other suits or alternatively a suit of full plate as he was well impressed with the stormbro's and their full body tin cans of shinyness. It could be a nice remake of the original skragg the slaughterer model: Chaos dwarf shoelace for sure. The bone mafia.. love it. I agree, I loved brets and still do. LIke you nothing has ever dropped my jaw like a beautifully painted bret army on the table. You echo my own thoughts - the rumour for 9th starter box was brets and beasts again, and I was ready to go balls deep into brets. What I was trying to get at with the rank and file curse was more to do with the fact that I believe that orcs, beasts etc aren't going to go away. So like the chaos warriors free them from the shackle of the needing to rank and give them some dynamic poses befitting the AoS system. Retire the carryover models from fantasy back to the old world when that comes out, but the AoS brets, cities, ogres, beasts etc all get a nice makeover which will just invigorate the lines once again. Chaos warriors and knights in the stat collecting are a prime example, a small change of shield to mimic the varanguard, some subtle poses - they haven't reinvented the wheel but they're great as a result. In that way you've taken all those rank and file models and sent them back to their own time. What's left is wholly AoS in look, scale and feel. I mean who doesn't want a doombull that looks like a bull headed ogroid Myrmidon pumped up to 11 ! (hoves man.. hooves, with the reverse knee not silly stumpy hoof leg feets). It's cos he cracked a smile didn't he? As for mummylerion - dude, she's flakier than her own shed skins, I mean, she cuddled right up to the chaos perfume CEO before her son and nephew caught him having a kip and realised he'd eaten too many pies to get out of the prison. Malerion "Oi Tyrion.. why you no come and see the family anymore.. show your face some time" Tyrion "No way uncle, my brother will try and make me wear a hat as long as his face with a silly thing parked on top like a baguette or a christmas turkey because he saw some brets carrying their lunch on their helmets once as they had to get out to do some maiden saving and honour upholding before they had time to finish it, and your mum's an absolute loonbag that still wears her wedding dress and goes down the shop in her slippers, and she's as angry as my brother is miserable." Malerion "I see, yea you're not wrong.." Tyrion " is your skin still peeling from that fire you walked into or has that healed now?" Malerion " buggered if I know, you can't even look in a mirrors these days as some other bloke is looking back at you and when you try and see your reflection in some water you can't as it's always misty round here.. anyway tell me more about carrying your lunch on your head..."

I agree. What's interesting though is that I think that the grand plan didn't quite go as planned. So when WHFB ended and AoS was about to launch there was an FAQ put out. I wish I still had that flyer and pdf document. One of the questions was will the older armies be playable in AoS, and the answer was of course yes. However the caveat was that the older armies would be playable but no longer supported; support being given to new AoS armies and factions. Now in that FAQ there was also another interesting line that said that all the while an army was selling it would in not so many words be allowed to live, which inferred that the minute it didn't sell anymore, it was going the way of the bretts. So we can take that two ways, your beasts were not going to be supported as a beastman army, but have become beasts of chaos and therefore a new AoS faction, or alternatively, they had naively hoped that everyone would be dumping their rank and flank minis for the new stuff coming out and as you say gobble up all the new armies. I think we see both happening. I also think things like mawtribes, cities of sigmar, beasts of chaos, slaves to darkness, warclans et all, are a begrudging acceptance that we still love our old armies and lets face it after the cash we've ploughed in why wouldn't we - and therefore they're not going away anytime soon. I think this is what we're seeing with some stuff, where you're getting a token nod, some rules and maybe a new model but nothing really more than that. Lets take beasts and skinnydip dwarfs - we get a big rock and a barbeque oven. Now if skinnydip dwarfs and beasts were to disspear the rock and oven would go to slaves/ chaos as a thing and the oven might go to whatever stunty faction they dreamed up next for argument sake. We saw that certain releases tanked. people weren't buying into them for whatever the reason, be it rules, the number you needed to make them effective, cost etc. I don't doubt that GW would like everything from rank and flank to just clear off, but it hangs around like a bad smell, but unfortunately that stink is making you money. I feel that what GW want is new factions unique to AoS and for us all to buy into them. What we want is that same thing, but with what we already know and love, as @KingBrodd says, we're not asking for much, just free the poses from the shackles of rank and flank. There is a part of me that just wants them to put us out of our misery, be cruel to be kind and (very simplistically) say ok, look... These beasts, ogres, rats, whatevers are getting new sculpts, and this is their new look and feel. - you don't have anything that frees you from rank and file then sorry, time's up. it's been nice thanks for all the fish. it may sound hard, but ask any TK or brett player and they'll tell you what that feels like. Do I think they know what they're doing? No. well, no and yes. They had a plan. They had a vision, yes, but I don't think it's come to pass in the way they intended, and so we have this swerving and meandering, or so it appears. So we end up in that endless loop again - faction gets no new models, players say meh, mothership sees players saying meh, models not selling so says that model line isn't worth investing in. Shall we kill it off? - no because models sell just to enough to be annoying and not go away, that and writers have had a brain freeze and can't work out how to move the faction or its lore forward. I almost get the feeling that lately there's been a lot of vanity projects on the go in the mothership, which is great, dream up new wierd and wonderful take on a faction. Write book release models, and then they turn around to the originator and go ok... what next? where's the faction and the lore going from here? and all you get is ahh.. erm... yea.. I'm going to be controversial here and say that I personally see bone reapers as one such vanity project. We cried for tomb kings, mentioned a construct army and so so guy picks up the book, flicks through it and goes yea, I can AoS this up. Behold there it is, a new army new lore new everything - there's your tomb kings - but they're not. they never will be, and in truth whoever did them just never got what TK's were about if that was the case (which it probably wasn't to be fair). I think with ToW looming in the coming years, it would be a good time to start banging out these new resculpts. it would help create a clear and different aesthetic and scultping style and scale between the new and the old systems, and in so doing you still spin money from your old rope as with the old world the rank and flank minis find their proper place. I mean come on were it not for scale the Soulblight army is literally a safe bet drag and drop into an old vampire counts army, and the vengorian lord could be used as a unit filler. But those new skelly's ranking up happily? yea right.

yup, look at what it done for chaos warriors. You're not changing a massive amount, just a more dynamic pose and all of a sudden you've got wow factor again. It's obviously an army that sells otherwise it would jut have languished in a soup book somewhere. And rhinox cavalry.. they really need those back in plastic as they were all of the awesome, and it is the age of the beast.

This will be known as the body hair wars. they that cannot grow vs those that grow too much. also why do you think the chaos dwarfs have big hats eh? Eh?

It's a massive grill. it will confer wound recovery to nearby units. The runemasters created it knowing there was going to be a lot of fish around, enough to feed the troops. I mean what's better than grilled eel and fish steaks?

so basically chaos dwarfs yea?

what, and make him even more miserable? - that would be Deicide! his pointy eared sulk face would echo through eternity and Tzeentch would have to create beige horrors what don't smile and make no noise... just mope around in silence. Nope.. nope.. Chaos... pound opponents to a pulp, with no time to go off and sulk.

well now you mention it... yup... A daemon straw fed Bale Taurus.. Behold:

Chaos dwarf daemonic automated whacker whacker from the new skullcrusher kit.