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A busy Saturday for Hatton Town Centre.



It was a busy weekend for the Hatton Tourist Board as a record number of visitors descended on the quiet town. Visitors from all across the eight Realms came to partake of Mrs. Strawberry’s renowned lardy cakes, and the landlord of “The Round Table”, the newly refurbished and rebranded ‘Place To Be Seen Inn’, reported huge sales in his latest new ale ‘Sigmar’s Delightful’.

It wasn't all good news though, as the newly laid cricket pitch was sadly vandalised by an unknown group, which, according to the captain Reverend Barnaby, may mean the postponement of the upcoming fixture against the Residents XI. In addition, somebody (again) has graffitied Mrs. Dawson’s rear wall.

The first visitors of the day were a delegation from far off Shyish. Although they were apparently told of the local bye laws regarding Necrosphinxes, they still brought one along, which duly ran riot along the High Street, knocking over fences and Freeguild alike. The Home Guard were quickly mustered, but, after a spirited defence, where swept away by the undead, who quietly ransacked the graveyard and left. A number of cadavers are still missing, much to the chagrin of local grave robbers, Starkey Blueblood and his trusty companion Snake Miskins.

The local neighbourhood watch had just about cleaned up the city centre before the second of the days tourists arrived – a Tzeentchian battlehost hell bent on taking control of Hatton’s Watchtower. Due to some mysterious magics, the Watchtower decided to move out of its normal central position and plonked itself right on the doorstep of Mrs. Strawberry’s homestead. Never one to look a gift horse in the mouth, she quickly reduced her prices and, were it not for the fact that Tzaangors are wheat intolerant (who knew?), she would have made a killing. Sadly, it was the visitors who did all the killing, with Archgeneral Carlton Smiles-Pomley once again falling off his horse.

Finally, it was the turn of the Ironjaws to avail themselves of Hatton’s landmarks. There was some heavy congestion on the main thoroughfare when a group of Goregruntas completely ignored the one way system (controversially introduced by the previous Major Joris Bonsun) and collided head on with Head Gamekeeper Jed ‘The Head’ and his archery club “The Poachers’ Poison”, who were hunting cabbages. Rushing to this highway confusion came the entire cavalry contingent of the Hatton Guard, who quickly cleared the speed bump and continued up the road. Meanwhile, on the other side of town, the massed ranks of the remaining units commanded by Carlton took on the Brutes and their Megaboss.

Remarkably, the Ironjaws charge faltered! The Megaboss found his mount shot from beneath him, and the day was finally won by the home team. Carlton had managed to stay on his horse! And there was much rejoicing.  


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Hatton seems like such a nice little town, ripe for a visit. I had a friend here from Shyish that came back and told me so many good things about his visit.. Now I'm in charge of planning for The Voldyr Pensioners Travelling Club and we're definitely planning on a trip to Hatton sometime soon, we can't wait to try bite of Miss Strawberry's buttocks.... I mean lardy cakes. Who knows, maybe we'll bring some adventurous newly dead Hattonites with us back for a long visit to Voldyr? We're always looking to expand our contacts with other likeminded pensioners abroad.

Until then, 


Edited by Teletomas
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Hey @Teletomas and well met!

Hatton is rightly proud of its visitor attractions and is always welcome to travellers from across the Realms! We too have a thriving Pensioners Club (in fact, Mrs. Strawberry's husband is the current Chair!).

Having said that, and this may be just my lack of understanding of cross Realm dialects (and if so, I humbly apologise) you mention 'dead' Hattonites? Erm, we, as per the custom in these parts, bury all our deceased. I'm not certain the relatives of those who have passed on would be happy for you take them away as souvenirs.


Berry Muckman - Travel and Tourism High Command (Hatton Division)

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