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Explain and Share Your Hobby


Strength_Hammer
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I am a blessed individual in the fact that my wife loves and supports my hobbies be it Fitness or Warhammer.  However, more often than not I see comments online or directly from friends about hoping their significant other doesn't find their recent purchase or having to earn brownie points so they can attend an upcoming event.  While I am not advocating one should simply do as they please as a relationship is a two-way street, but I feel more often than not we haven't truly explained to our partners the love and passion we have for our hobby.  This seems to lead to an unhealthy idea that it is better to hide purchases or attempt to trick our partners into letting us go off to have a weekend with our friends rolling dice.  Playing Warhammer is the same as any other pursuit be it sports, cooking, fitness, etc. and no one seems to hide those from one another so why should Warhammer be the same?  As with any advice you need to really examine if it is right for you.  This is my personal experience and my situation was right for the advice I layout, but as with anything, it might not be the best for everyone.

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@Strength_Hammer

I am also one of the lucky ones because my wife knows how much I enjoy the hobby.  While I don't always get every model or book that comes out, she understands that this is a stress relief for me (though I admit some of the models are stressful to put together and that's why I build those after she falls asleep!).  I do believe that you're right about explaining to significant others: they won't understand the time, money, and storage space invested in hobby.  Its not like they won't see the purchases anyways!!! 

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The hardest part is explaining the amount of the purchases. Where I’m lucky is that my job alone covers all of our expenses and I still have some leftover for some gaming purchases, and she still has her savings to do as she pleases.

But in all seriousness, if you are on a budget and trying to get out of debt, please don’t be buying models.

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I think a lot of comments are "tongue in cheek" style. Much like how guys of more senior generations might complain of being sent to the shed (or not being allowed to go their shed!) 

So I think its important to realise that most people are getting alone fine, they just poke a bit of fun at the "my partner doesn't get it" side of things; all in good nature.

 

For those in actual trouble I think there's a few approaches:

1) Sit down and work out a weekly and monthly budget for your household. Work out who is paying for what, how you're paying it and what the amount of "free" money is at the end of each week/month for you both. This is all about ensuring that you've both got a fair division of the financial responsibilities and also the household work and the free money in the relationship. It doesn't mean you both have to work a job that earns an income, one might be a stay-at-home looking after the household and kids etc...

The key here is that you identify what free money you have in the relationship and proportion it out so that its fair for the both of you. That way you've not got to justify your choice of spending because you've already both justified the money you can spend on yourselves each month. This can reduce some stress and it might also show where there's an issue. 

2) Show them what the hobby is about and remember that its not all about the game. Many a person has found their significant other doesn't like to play but loves to paint or assemble or convert or such. So do give them a chance to try out and show them how to do things. And in turn be darn ready to do the same for them and see what their hobbies are like. Respecting the fact that sometimes whilst a partner wants appreciation for their hobby, they might not necessarily want you doing it too = eps if your'e a skillful competitive type. Sometimes a partner needs something for themselves, to be their thing. So do take their lead. 

3) Make sure they are having their night off too. Sometimes its easy to go out and game and not realise that your partner isn't getting a chance to get out on their own. Point 1 can often get tied into this as when it comes to sorting out finance things like timekeeping and the schedule for the week are going to come up too. By accident you might be having more social time than them and they are happy that you're happy, but at the same time resentful that they don't have the same opportunity. IT might even be that you find its a case of swapping nights; so you game one week and your significant other gets to go hiking or cycling or whatever on their day. 

4) As @SuperHappyTime says try not to blow everything on the hobby. At the same time even if you are under financial strain do sort it out as noted in point 1. You both need some relaxation outside of saving and, provided that you are sensible and not right at the edge of the bailiffs being sent around; then its fine to sort out some free money. A small purchase here and there for you both so that you've something to give you a moral boost whilst going through tougher times. IT might just be the money needed for the fuel and game night money or such. Ego it might be a few £/$ but that might pay for your game night and their fitness session etc... 

5) Above all else  communicate. Honest, calm, open communication is the backbone of any relationship and failure to communicate results only ever in problems. IT might even be that your partner is very jovial and makes fun in a kind manner about your hobby, but that it still sort of grates on you. So instead of bottling it up and exploding later; just take a calm moment to ask them to tone it down. Sometimes this is best done not at the exact moment they do it but in a more neutral situation; say around dinner. 

Note remember points 1 and 3 are not about achieving a perfect 50/50 with things. Sometimes there is a degree of give and take. For example you might game for 5 hours a week, but your partner likes long distance hiking and thus might need far more hours to a full day for their hobby. Or they might ride horses and thus their hobby might have financial demands far higher than yours. A box of models might keep you happy for a week, but wouldn't pay for the feed for a few days etc... 

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