The Totally Genuine Alternative Rumour Thread™

[Guest]

Greetings!

Since made-up rumours are apparently not welcome in the "real" rumour thread (outrageous!) I've invented The Totally Genuine Alternative Rumour Thread™. This will be a haven of inclusiveness where all Warhammer Age of Sigmar rumours are treated equally, regardless of their quality or verisimilitude.

The Totally Genuine Alternative Rumour Thread™ doesn't discriminate - if you can think it, then it's real to us! We'll take you at your word, even if your rumour-mongering smells as fishy as a Namarti Thrall's jockstrap.

Totally Genuine Alternative Rumours™ are very different to regular rumours, and you may not be able to identify them at first, so here's a handy comparison to help you:

 

Regular Rumour:

"Moonclan battletome next. Here is a list of logical reasons why I feel this is the case. Also, someone from Games Workshop showed me some concept art."

 

Totally Genuine Alternative Rumour™:

"My underworld sources have shared with me a stolen prototype for a new Forgeworld model, but it came in a poop-stained bag in 712 pieces with no instructions so at first glance it's impossible to tell what it is. It looks to have a thousand eyes, maybe a baby's arm, several large sphincters of some kind and it's mounted on a horse, which is mounted on a chicken (maybe). A sticky-note attached to the might-be-a-chicken looks like it says something about 'blood', or possibly 'food' or maybe just 'cooo', like a pigeon, which is a bit like a chicken so there's some logic there. But Tom Hanks (not the famous one,  a different one, who is connected to Games Workshop in ways you wouldn't believe) ran it through his handwriting recognition software, and we're now 87% certain that this is Forgeworld's latest attempt at the new Khorne Dragon, and I have to say it's looking a lot better than the version they showed at the Open Day a few years back - you can tell they're definitely making progress. Anyway, keep it under your hat, yeah?"

 

That example isn't just an example by the way - it's actually true, and I'll testify to that in court, provided said court has no powers or legitimacy.

The Totally Genuine Alternative Rumour Thread™ is now open to Totally Genuine Alternative Rumours™ and sensible discussion of said rumours. Also, everything that happens in this thread is cannon, so we're literally shaping the Age of Sigmar setting here. Isn't that exciting?

Have at it! 

[Mayple]

I heard (From a handsome fellow bearing a strange likeness to myself) that the very next faction release will actually be a Battletome: Terrain.

Lead by king Balewind (who they revert back to a terrain piece), all the terrain pieces gain movement and attack characteristics, while retaining their special and garrison rules as long as they have allegiance: terrain.

My mother also told me that Forgeworld would support this range by releasing a terrain piece the size of a gametable, which allows friendly and enemy models to walk ontop of it, but can contest several objectives at once.

This is all true, and reliable information.

[Guest]

9 minutes ago, Mayple said:

I heard (From a handsome fellow bearing a strange likeness to myself) that the very next faction release will actually be a Battletome: Terrain.

Lead by king Balewind (who they revert back to a terrain piece), all the terrain pieces gain movement and attack characteristics, while retaining their special and garrison rules as long as they have allegiance: terrain.

Yep, I heard this too. Apparently this is what cog-forts actually are and the guy who included one in his short story for Malign Portents just saw a prototype for this army and got confused. So there are no such things as cog-forts per se (they'll be ret-conning this soon in a FAQ), just this awesome new moving terrain.

[Karol]

Any words on female models being added to the blades of khorn model line?

[Charles]

When I was watering my garden I had a long discussion with one of the spiders. I know he is reliable because his web is designed to catch rumours.

He said that GamesWorkshop are discontinuing the Sisters if the Thorn, Blood Letters and all their other pre-AoS model lines.  

Don’t panic though, if you have those kits still new on Spru you will be able to use them with the next battle tome release.  He hadn’t caught (in his web) all the details but he is pretty certain the new force is called Grand Alliance Spru’s & Mould Lines. The decision was made to make assembly of your new armies quicker, because we all know its quicker to remove the Sisters of the Thorne models with a citadel file than it is to remove those damned mould lines! 

 

[EccentricCircle]

While pottering around in my time machine I happened to pass a games workshop store of the Year 2025.

It will look similar to a modern GW, except that the revitalised spin off games will prove to be so popular that they will occupy as much shelf space as Sigmar and 40k, in much the same way that Lord of the Rings once did.

They will attempt to cash in on the success of Total War Warhammer a few years too late, by bringing out a set of premium boxed games set in the World that Was. These allow you to reenact key moments from the video game at 10mm scale. Unfortunately this product line will coincide with the release of Total War: Age of Sigmar.

Seven years from now there will be 233 separate order factions, most of which are Aelves. Meanwhile destruction only has three more models, all of them squigs.

Somewhat off topic, but I also checked out the Grim Darkness of the Far Future while I was at it, and can confirm that most hive worlds of the 41st millenium have GW shops. However by that time the hobby has merged back into historical wargaming, as Warhammer enthusiasts reenact battles set in the wartorn 21st century. Go figure.

[I Ate A Bug]

The voices told me GW will be taking all the old dwarf models away from anyone who enters their stores, secretly rummaging around people's attics and sending large hairy bailiffs around to everyone's houses to hoard all the stunty models. 

They'll then rebrand them, and release Battletome: Repossessed.

[Arkiham]

Ah I see that terrain is finally out I mentioned ages ago. Which was leaked at open day an hasn't really been discussed lol. 

[Kramer]

My mom once said I was pretty... deff a Totally  Genuine Alternative Rumour 

[Ar-Pharazôn]

I heard from a deceased GW employee that the next release is for 40K and it's specifically titled Specialist Game: Codex Orks Will Never Happen. It will be written with the salt tears of Ork players, and purchasers are given a step by step guide on how to tease and mess with a long-deprived group of players. 

[Kugane]

I think I found out a secret.... *massive spoiler alert*

Sigmar is about 2500 years old. There you go, now you know the Age of Sigmar.

[SuperHappyTime]

3 hours ago, Kugane said:

I think I found out a secret.... *massive spoiler alert*

Sigmar is about 2500 years old. There you go, now you know the Age of Sigmar.

Too Old. Clearly he's only about 2018 years old, which would fall in line with a certain fellow worshiped in the western world.

4 hours ago, Arkiham said:

Ah I see that terrain is finally out I mentioned ages ago. Which was leaked at open day an hasn't really been discussed lol. 

I first saw new terrain during the Idoneth Deepkin video.

[Skreech Verminking]

Thanquol told me (Who was totally trustworthy ?), that the sigmarines will be discontinued, because of too many people owning a stormcast army, and of almost no other faction or army  being used on tournaments

he also told me, that there will be a very big skaven release and the renaming of the age of Sigmar to “ age of the horned rat.”

 

[EccentricCircle]

7 hours ago, Kugane said:

I think I found out a secret.... *massive spoiler alert*

Sigmar is about 2500 years old. There you go, now you know the Age of Sigmar.

Finally! Given that its the name of the game its amazing how well they've kept that one quiet!

Although is that counting from when he was reborn during the end times, or when his mortal incarnation was born? If the latter I'd say it should be about twice that age shouldn't it?

[EccentricCircle]

Also Russia and/or North Korea hacked the GW studio's pinboard, and leaked the titles of the upcoming battletomes:

Stormcast again (because they forgot about one upcoming unit while writing the current one)

Wardancyrs of Athelios (the next new elven faction)

Soulblight Principalities (With plastic vampires, and battleline units of thrawls, bats and updated direwolves)

Stormcast (Again)

Wulffang Khans (The return of Hobgoblins!)
Shadowblades (An expanded tome on the faction, but with no new model release)

Apostates of Necoho (a new chaos faction with both mortal "agnostyc flagellants" and very indecisive demons)

and of course Stormcast (again)
Apparently a "Grot soup" tome is upcoming, but its not actually about grots, but instead a tribe of Ogres who eat them. Alternatively it could be the long rumoured return of the Halfling (or rather "halflyng") Hotpot. Those hobbits do love their mushrooms after all!

[Bloodmaster]

9 hours ago, Kramer said:

My mom once said I was pretty... deff a Totally  Genuine Alternative Rumour 

na, man. Not an alternative rumour, but an alternative FACT. Don't let anyone tell you something different

[AlphaKennyThing]

I got to see a sneak peak of Battletome: Aleguzzler Gargants this week when I was at a friend's house who has a mate of a mate he knows down the pub that knows these things.

I had a flick through, lore is interesting, but a bit mental. It's the allegience abilities and artefacts that bring it to life, though. I'll summarise below:

ALLEGIENCE ABILITIES

Aleguzzler Gargants stride in to battle equipped with weapons of war, and copious amounts of ale and mead. Throughout a battle, Gargants will become progressively more inebriated, which is represented by army-wide abilities that change at the start of each two battlerounds.

Battlerounds 1 & 2: Party Time

Ecstatic about a bloody good knees-up, a gaggle of Aleguzzler Gargants will march enthusiastically into the fray, cheering noisily and generally disturbing the peace.

For the duration of the first battleround, add 2 to the Movement characteristic and charge rolls for all Aleguzzler Gargants in the army.

Battlerounds 3 & 4: ******ed

After having deployed and depleted almost all the ale and mead on the battlefield, Aleguzzler Gargants will begin to descend into drunken aggression. Chests will be poked, unreasonable shouts of "Oi, watchoo lookin' at?!" will echo across the battlefield, and general destruction will ensue.

For the duration of Battlerounds 3 and 4, add 1 to the attacks characteristic of all Aleguzzler Gargants on the battlefield. Additionally, an Aleguzzler Gargant counts as 10 models for the purposes of calculating which player holds any objectives as they drunkenly argue over who the shiny thing belongs to.

Battleround 5+: Absolutely Spandangled

Surviving Gargants are, by the later stages of the battle, utterly smashed. They are in a state that ranges from horizontal on top of a local tavern, to upright and urinating all over the foe (or objective). Sometimes Gargants will profess their undying love for each other (or the enemy), and other times they'll be so hungry they become particularly deadly.

For the duration of Battleround 5, roll a D6 at the beginning of each phase of the player's turn for each Aleguzzler Gargant on the battlefield. On a roll of a 5+, apply the effect(s) listed below, reflecting the rapidly changing mood and temperament of the heavily inebriated creatures.

Hero Phase: "Oh, come on - you lot ain't so bad after all!" Overwhelmed with affection for something, the Gargant's spirits are lifted. Immediately heal D6 wounds.

Movement Phase: "Hgnn!" Tripping over its own feet, the Gargant staggers destructively, flattening everything around it. All units, friend or foe, within 3" of a staggering Gargant suffer D3 Mortal Wounds.

Shooting Phase: "I'm gonna bloody swamp meself!" In dire need of bladder relief, the Gargant, now so drunk it is unaware of its surroundings, exposes itself for the world to see. The foul liquid that follows is toxic to say the least. Pick a unit within 9". That unit immediately suffers D3 Mortal Wounds.

Charge Phase: "You want some?! I'll give it yer!" The Gargant becomes so unreasonably aggressive that it loses all control. If the charge roll is successful but was a double, the Gargant lands on the enemy unit in a flurry of fists and terrible un-coordinated violence. The Gargant may not attack normally in the Fight Phase, but instead immediately inflicts D6 Mortal Wounds on each enemy unit within 3". This effect replaces Drunken Stagger.

Fight Phase: "I'm bloomin' starving!" In a state of severe munchies, the Gargant starts collecting snacks for the walk home. After making a successful Stuff 'Em in Me Bag! roll, keep rolling until the ability fails to roll double the model's wound characteristic, or until there are no enemy models within 3".

 

 

[Gaz Taylor]

+++ Mod Hat On +++

As we’ve had some reports about this topic and I’ve had to remove some posts as the content isn’t the sort of behaviour we want on TGA, I’m locking this topic.