Jump to content

dealing with Narcissistic painter/converters


onemanarmy

Recommended Posts

I have posted this here as its about painting/modelling.  The other day I walked into my local club and there was someone showing their conversion to someone else. It was an ok conversion not anything amazing (paint job was pretty good) I thought I was being nice by saying hey that's a cool conversion. Boy was that a mistake he went into this massive non stop chat about how he made it with which parts , then started to go through his whole box explaining each conversion. Don't get me wrong they were interesting but this guy is obviously requires a lot of praise . Which looking into it is a narcissistic   trait.  

So anyone else come across someone like this and any tips on how to deal with it as I think I will be seeing a lot of him. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

He could just be overly enthusiastic to share his project and not terribly socially adept? Not to generalize, but that's not an uncommon personality type in this and other hobbies that occupy the same social sphere. I usually just ignore it unless it gets overtly toxic.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

11 hours ago, onemanarmy said:

I have posted the e about painting/modelling.  The other day I walked into my local club and there was someone showing their conversion to someone else. It was an ok conversion not anything amazing (paint job was pretty good) I thought I was being nice by saying hey that's a cool conversion. Boy was that a mistake he went into this massive non stop chat about how he made it with which parts , then started to go through his whole box explaining each conversion. Don't get me wrong they were interesting but this guy is obviously requires a lot of praise . Which looking into it is a narcissistic   trait.  

So anyone else come across someone like this and any tips on how to deal with it as I think I will be seeing a lot of him. 

Sounds like the guy was excited about the chance to show off his conversions to people who (seemingly ;) ) cared. I wouldn't be so quick to associate disorders to perceived negative behaviour - nothing good will come of that. 

Psychologically, there's a lot of reasons someone would behave like that. Conversions often become more personal, and usually takes a lot of work (even if the result can be meh) - it is in our nature to show and tell, and this might have been the only platform this guy was able to do so. On top of that, some personality types are heavily centered around external reckognition, which fuels their motivations in general. Just like others are fueled by internal recognition, security, caretaking, wealth, etc (i.e: we don't always get to choose what drives us). Not that I think this guy will neccesarily be one of those, but worth mentioning. This sounds mostly like a case of passion. A 'oh, you like this thing I made? That must mean you like the thing I like! Look at all these other things that are also things like the thing you liked!' - people can quickly get that way if you seem like you're into the same stuff/like stuff they did. If you've ever talked to an unjaded roleplayer, you'll reckognize this in the way they can get carried away talking about their characters/roleplaying situations :P

So be very careful in making judgement on that. Killing positivity, passion, and the will to share is a crime against humanity, and a disservice to us all. This point should be underlined.

 

As for solutions, since ya asked ;)

- Straight up tell the person you are only interested in the model you complimented. You can add that you could see some of the others some other time, just not right now, if you want to safely avoid sounding like an ass, or genuinely want to keep options open - but you can get away with the first part as long as you phrase it right :) clear communication. Subtext and guesswork tends to be the wrong way to go. The ability to sense social hints is the first thing that goes blind when people get carried away. That's why we call it that. 

- Avoidance: you have other people you can play, so play other people where you see fit. Don't actively avoid; 'I don't want to play with you' - unneccessary hostility - but passive avoidance, like playing/interacting mostly with others, and only with this person as an extension of a group, or the occasional game, is very easy to accomplish. Sometime we have to stomach people we don't like, and sometime we have to stomach people not liking us. Doesn't mean coexistence is futile, or unenjoyable. Even enemies laugh at each-other jokes sometimes. 

 

- Play nice: I wouldn't be surprised if the person in question put much less weight on the interaction than you did. Or obsessing over the downside of it in hindsight depending on dominant personality function - point being: few people are douchebags on purpose, and that goes both ways ;)

 

 

tl;dr: Probably not a narcissist, sounds like got carried away by something passionate, be clear in communication if gets carried away, don't be a ****** :) *

Not everyone is a master of social interaction, be forgiving of people's flaws. We all have them. But punch in the face if punched, obviously. 

Hope that helps you out!

 

*not saying you -are- a ******. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Frankly, you suck it up, nod, smile and make non commital noises, it's polite to spare a few minutes. Also, if you're so socially aware as to be able to diagnose narcisism in someone from one conversaion, then you should be more than aware of deflection techniques

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Nah I'm not that socially aware lol. Just googled people who require praise a lot an narcissism showed up first. Went to the club again yesterday and he was there .He was talking to someone about a faction (his faction) and the guy said yeah that factions pretty good. He then got his phone out going through all photos of his models for that army. There was a second guy with them and I think they were talking about what armies they had. The second guy couldn't get a word in.  

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have to admit I would run the risk of sounding like the person in the original post, at least somewhat.  I live in an absolute dead zone for gaming, and really only have my wife and a close buddy to show off my work to in person, and I use their positive reactions to keep my motivated.  I almost always have to always collect and paint both sides of every game I want to play with someone, and being proud of my conversions (and to a lesser extent painting) are 90% of what keeps me interested in this hobby.  So I'd probably be ecstatic to be able to talk to someone who I don;t have to give a primer to first to even understand what I am talking about.

In other words, I'm eagerly awaiting my son getting about 5 years older (he's only just 3 right now), lol! 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Be polite, and if it really becomes necessary, redirect the conversation.

Look at the model he's showing you. If/when he starts inventorying his entire box full of conversions, redirect the conversation by saying something related, that takes the focus off him. Show him a conversion you did, or a paint job you're proud of.

Once you've done that, and both  of you have had a chance to contribute, you can end the exchange with a simple and polite statement about what's next. For example: "Great talking conversions with you. I'm gonna get my stuff set up for my game. Talk to you later."

Most people will happily accept the end of an interaction once they feel like they've been heard, and acknowledged. Listen, reciprocate attention, redirect, and conclude with a neutral statement that signals the end of the interaction.

This will also help establish what's called "expected behavioral topography" for the future. So it'll be easier to wrap up those interactions with that guy the next time, and the time after that.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Look, we're all to some degree narcissists. I totally second what @Lucio said, and to add to it, if the guy is mostly interested in the artistic aspect of the hobby, he's most likely close call to every other "artist" in the field of producing work for no payment to display in an exhibition space. Meaning, In order for you to continue to produce the work (Army, Figure to display, Display board, etc) without actually seeing a compensation at the end of it, you have to fully believe in what you're doing. You are the master of this creation-process, and if you start doubting yourself, which many of us do eventually, you end up in a rut that is hard to climb out off (see any artist ever in history, as well as multiple threads asking for advice how to deal with it on these types of forums).

I had a guy the other day that began a loooooooong conversation about his work, what he does, who he is, why he does things, without me or anybody else asking him. You suck it up, smile, and nod. You don't need to say much and if you need to walk away, you walk away. If a moment strikes to open up another conversation or ask someone else something, take it. It'll all be fine and you probably have done the same, not perhaps to the same extent, but in similar fashion towards other people around you talking about things that excites you. They most likely sucked it up and dealt with it without you ever knowing about it.

It's a give and take world we live in. Give a little on this end and feel good about it. You probably made his day by nodding, smiling and shaking his hand by the end of it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Sounds like you played it right!  It's possible that he doesn't have the opportunity to talk to people about his hobby so once you turn on that tap it'll be a bit more difficult to turn it off.  I'd start by trying to turn it into a conversation - talk about some of the bits you've done to steer it towards a discussion that isn't about his models.  I've found a gentle "right must get onto X" helps me break the current discussion and allow me to break off a little more easily than a "bored now, bye" :D

I'd also say that it's pretty difficult to not go off at a tangent on hobby related items, I had numerous people ask me how I'd painted my Imperial Knights on Saturday and trying to keep the response interesting and not too long is really challenging :)  It's so easy to suddenly break off into talking about something only distantly related.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

16 hours ago, Aegisgrimm said:

Sometimes, remember it's just tons of enthusiasm, not narcissism.

Yeah, absolutely. I don't know where @onemanarmy is getting the idea that this person 'requires a lot of praise' - it seems to me that he's extrapolating from his own personality type and projecting it onto an enthusiastic (possibly oversharing) hobbyist.

I'm enthusiastic about sharing my conversions too. Praise is awesome, but it's not my main reason for sharing - mainly just having people see them and sharing how it was done retroactively gives more meaning to the time and effort I put into them. It turns a solitary activity into part of the rich tapestry of the hobby community, and makes what I'm doing feel more connected to what everyone else is doing.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Not projecting anything I don't need constant praise for my work. If someone praises one of my models I say thank you and leave it at that. If they then ask how I did it I would explain it I wouldn't then go through my whole box explaining each one fishing for praise. I have  seen him a couple times since and it just gets worse. it not just models any more its the game its self. I saw him win a game against his friend that pretty much come down to dice rolls and he was banging on about how much tactics he was using. He also tries to appear more intelligent then anyone. Although he knows a far amount about a certain subject that's all it is and will bring the conversation back to it whenever he feels it moving to things he doesn't know about.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Firstly, please can we keep this on track and play nice. I'm keeping my eye on this and don't want to have to close the thread.

Sounds like the dude that @onemanarmy encountered has a lot of passion and enthusiasm for his conversions and his faction - our hobby needs people just like him.

I do actually think praise is important to most hobbyists and the desire for this should not been seen as a negative whatsoever. Getting feedback from your peers is a great motivator to many.

We live in a great age of hobby where there is so much content/help available to people and the materials are better than ever. Even the people at the very top of the pile when it comes to painting/conversions are now willing to discuss all aspects of their work and impart their knowledge on those asking/willing to listen. Everything is so much more open. I was saying in a Whatsapp group the other day actually how all this is completely different to how it used to be, where people used to be a lot more guarded and closed when it came to discussing how they achieved paint jobs or conversions.

I think where we are at now is so much better, especially for newer players coming into the hobby and I would never discourage anyone's hobby by dismissing their eagerness to show off something they are proud of.

@onemanarmy - perhaps next time you know you're going to bump into this guy, how about having one of your own conversions ready (or just a paintjob you're proud of) and show him something you've been working on. If he is someone that's only really interested in talking about his own hobby (you do get those people to be fair) then he's probably not likely to engage you again. On the flipside, you could end up having a good back and forth with him.

Let us know how it goes and I hope you spend sometime perusing this forum and getting involved. We are a friendly community who love to show off our works for each other and offer feedback/constructive criticism etc. Would be a shame if your sole purpose in signing up was this thread haha! ;) 

Chris, proud narcissist B|

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well the plan about showing him one of my conversions backfired. All he did was tell me what he would have done different and when another player commented on my conversion he then started showing the guy his. The guy who came over I could tell was not interested as he made a quick get away saying he had to get set up for a game. I think a lot of you guys misunderstand me , I'm all for people showing off their stuff and inspiring others but when it clearly becomes less about the hobby and more feeding ones ego then its not something I can enjoy. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

11 minutes ago, onemanarmy said:

Well the plan about showing him one of my conversions backfired. All he did was tell me what he would have done different and when another player commented on my conversion he then started showing the guy his. The guy who came over I could tell was not interested as he made a quick get away saying he had to get set up for a game. I think a lot of you guys misunderstand me , I'm all for people showing off their stuff and inspiring others but when it clearly becomes less about the hobby and more feeding ones ego then its not something I can enjoy. 

hahaha! That is very very funny. You have to admit, that even if it was annoying at the time, this guy just seem to be the bane of your existence. Just let him be his blessing. That is actually almost all you can do without sinking down to a douchebag level. :P

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...